A story of Sarah
Sarah, a widow in her 60s, never imagined she would fall in love again. But one day out of the blue, a charming “pilot” messaged her on social media. He was thoughtful and seemed to understand her loneliness. Every day, he sent sweet messages, poems, and promises of a future together. After years of being alone, Sarah finally felt the warmth of being noticed again.
But love, as it turns out, wasn’t what he was after.
The man claimed he was stuck overseas, facing legal and medical troubles. He needed help, and Sarah, believing in their relationship, sent her life savings to support him. In Sarah’s eyes, it wasn’t a loan but an investment in their future.
When the money started running out, he pushed harder and asked for “just a little more. Out of options, Sarah turned to her daughter, Aisha, and asked her to take out a loan for the man she thought would be her future husband.
Aisha was suspicious. She dug deeper, eventually running a reverse image search on his profile photos. She found the same pictures linked to romance scams all over the internet.
The man was a fraud. And Sarah was left heartbroken with an empty account.
But love, as it turns out, wasn’t what he was after.
The man claimed he was stuck overseas, facing legal and medical troubles. He needed help, and Sarah, believing in their relationship, sent her life savings to support him. In Sarah’s eyes, it wasn’t a loan but an investment in their future.
When the money started running out, he pushed harder and asked for “just a little more. Out of options, Sarah turned to her daughter, Aisha, and asked her to take out a loan for the man she thought would be her future husband.
Aisha was suspicious. She dug deeper, eventually running a reverse image search on his profile photos. She found the same pictures linked to romance scams all over the internet.
The man was a fraud. And Sarah was left heartbroken with an empty account.
From affection to exploitation: how romance scams work
Unfortunately, Sarah’s story isn’t rare. Love scams are happening everywhere, even here in Brunei, and they follow a very familiar script. Recognising the steps can help protect you or someone you care about before it’s too late.
1. The unexpected connection
It usually starts with a message, on social media, a dating app, or even an SMS. The scammer poses as a successful professional—a pilot, soldier, or engineer—often someone who travels or lives overseas. At first, they seem super charming. But that’s the move. It’s all part of getting past your guard quickly.
2. Rapid bonding & big promises
The messages quickly become very regular, from “good morning” and “sweet dreams” texts to talk of marriage and a shared future. It feels intense but exciting. You’re swept up in a whirlwind romance. That’s exactly the point. They want you hooked emotionally, and fast.
3. Always an excuse not to meet
When you suggest a video call or in-person meeting, there’s always a reason they can’t. Work emergencies, bad internet, sudden illnesses – whatever it takes to avoid showing their real face. Sometimes they’ll send gifts or fake travel plans to buy time and make the relationship feel real.
4. The first ask for help
Eventually, a small crisis appears. Maybe they lost their wallet. Or they need help paying for a flight or a phone bill. It sounds minor and temporary, and they promise to pay you back. You care about them, so why wouldn’t you help? But this is just the start.
5. The crises get bigger
Soon, small problems become big emergencies, perhaps medical bills, legal trouble or family tragedies. The pressure increases. They frame the situation as something you’re both going through: “It’s for us. I just need you to believe in me.” The more you give, the more trapped you feel.
6. Guilt trips and gaslighting
If you start to hesitate or say no, they don’t take it lightly. They might grow cold or angry, accusing you of not trusting them. Some might even guilt-trip you or become aggressive. At the end of the day, they’re just manipulating you to keep you around and doing what they want.
7. The disappearing act
Eventually, the scam ends. Usually when you run out of money or start asking too many questions. The messages stop. Their account is deleted. The person you thought you knew has disappeared.
From Brunei to Brazil, scams are on the rise and getting harder to spot. In 2024 alone, Cybersecurity Brunei reported 200 scam cases, making it the most common cybersecurity threat. As scammers use more sophisticated technology like artificial intelligence, it’s more important than ever to be careful about what you share online and to stay updated on the latest tricks they use.
How to spot a romance scam before it’s too late
When it comes to romance scams like Sarah’s, here are some telltale signs you or someone close to you might be dealing with a scammer:
Trust your gut. If it feels off, it probably is. Take a step back and talk to someone you trust. Do a reverse image search on their profile pictures. Ask questions, and don’t let anyone rush you into secrecy or financial decisions.
And if a loved one is caught in something that seems suspicious, step in. Ask questions gently. Help them verify the facts before it’s too late.
- They fall in love very quickly and talk about a future early on.
- They avoid video calls or face-to-face meetings.
- They make repeated financial requests, often tied to dramatic events.
- Their stories feel too convenient or too devastating to be true.
- They pressure you to act urgently or in secret.
And if a loved one is caught in something that seems suspicious, step in. Ask questions gently. Help them verify the facts before it’s too late.
Final thoughts: love should never cost you everything
Scammers prey on hope and loneliness. If you or someone you know is caught in a scam, know that you’re not alone. You’re not foolish for wanting love—scammers are skilled manipulators who target emotions, not intelligence.
However, you can fight back with awareness and honesty. Sarah’s story may have ended in heartbreak, but sharing it can help others protect themselves.
Remember that real love doesn’t cost a thing, and it never comes with conditions.
Do include details such as the scammer’s phone number, email address or website URL.
If you suspect that your bank account or personal information have been compromised, contact your bank immediately. Baiduri Bank customers can call our 24-hour Customer Helpline at 244 9666.
If you believe your social media accounts have been compromised, notify all your contacts through a post and report the incident to the respective social media platform.
You can also reach out to CyberSecurity Brunei for queries and advice, via their hotline at 245 8001 (24 hours), WhatsApp at 717 0766, or email at [email protected].
However, you can fight back with awareness and honesty. Sarah’s story may have ended in heartbreak, but sharing it can help others protect themselves.
Remember that real love doesn’t cost a thing, and it never comes with conditions.
In the unfortunate event that you’ve been scammed, here are steps you can take:
- Report the incident immediately at your nearest police station.
- Prepare a draft statement in Malay or English to speed up the process.
- Print out and bring any screenshots of messages, conversations or documents shared between you and the scammer
If you suspect that your bank account or personal information have been compromised, contact your bank immediately. Baiduri Bank customers can call our 24-hour Customer Helpline at 244 9666.
If you believe your social media accounts have been compromised, notify all your contacts through a post and report the incident to the respective social media platform.
You can also reach out to CyberSecurity Brunei for queries and advice, via their hotline at 245 8001 (24 hours), WhatsApp at 717 0766, or email at [email protected].
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